two months down, 4 more to go!
i started dance lessons. i almost didn't go. i was literally in the parking lot of the dance studio and i was ready to leave. i noticed multiple couples entering the building and i worried that i would be the only single person in the class. (originally i didn't care that i was going alone. but things changed within me when i started seeing the pairs.) i ran the description back through my head and it never mentioned being a couples-only class, so i figured i would be ok on my own as there had to be other single people there as well. i made my way into the studio and saw multiple couples and a few single people in the lobby crowd. a teacher came out and called role for the tap class. tap class?! one by one the single people left the room...except for me.
there i was all by myself amongst the couples. then the salsa teacher came to the lobby and asked the rest of us to make our way into the studio. i followed the couples into the room and felt completely exposed. i felt like i had a huge spotlight on me. "hey, look at the girl all by herself. she had no one to come with her." so i walked out of the studio and back to the front desk where i asked the attendant if there were other single people signed up for the class. she then went and asked the director who came out and said, "the teacher needs a partner. go in there and try it out." oh, ok. (i'm sure i had a scowl on my less-than-enthused face.) so i get to dance with the teacher. yes, i will get better instruction this way, but the teacher is a woman and i'm used to dancing closely with men.
so i pulled myself up by my big girl panties and went back into the studio to meet the couples. i stood in the back as the teacher moved the couples around, making sure they had ample dance space around them. sticking out in my singledom she asked me to come to the front of the class and dance with her. yay, more spotlight! there i was in my overly baggy t-shirt and workout pants amid the couples still wearing their work/street clothes. i came to dance, dang it! and to get sweaty. (i don't know what they were expecting but i'm sure they will be wearing something different next class.) it didn't help that i had to take the masculine role most of the time. i guess my elevated levels of testosterone were put to good use! lol
(i did go purchase new workout clothes so that i don't feel so manly. thank goodness for old navy! i was able to get comfortable, yet form-fitting tank tops and workout capris for cheap.)
as the music started i began to let myself relax and do what i came to do -- have fun, get exercise and learn salsa in a more formal environment, regardless if i was dancing with the female teacher. and i wanted to stick it to the couples in the room and show them that the single girl in the overly baggy t-shirt can shake it. the teacher was proud of my skills.
as class let out i asked the teacher if i should continue with the class or if dancing with me would limit her instruction to the other people in the class. "not at all," she said. "you are a great partner and i hope that you will stay. plus i really like the fact that you are an independent woman and don't need a man. please come back."
enough said and a good kick in my big girl panties.
i've got it -- the evil polycystic ovarian syndrome (pcos). after years of misdiagnosis while watching my body and spirit change into a paling version of the real me i am determined to take back control of my whole self. this is my journey...
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